if you like me you must not know who I am
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
