Me too!
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
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Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
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Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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