I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
