woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
