I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
