He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he thought i was a dude.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
