Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
