His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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