Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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