I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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