I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
