Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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