I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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