You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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