Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
