things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
