I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
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You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
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I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
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