I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
