All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
