hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
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Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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