Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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