...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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