I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
