oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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