hotel room ftw
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
