Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
