I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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