dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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