Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
