Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize