Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
