i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
