When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
