Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
