You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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