so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
