i was born a porn star she said
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
