quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize