I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
