And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
