So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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