Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
