hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
