My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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