Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
