It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
