So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
