i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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