she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
