He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
