feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
