All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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