Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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