I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
