We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
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There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
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Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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