i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
