if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
our cab driver is having phone sex.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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