Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
