So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
