I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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