So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
