so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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