Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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