I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize