i permit you to call me
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Randomize
