You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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