She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
