I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
