remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize