Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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