Don't you send me to vm
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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