Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
