Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
