Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
