i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
handjob tips. give me some.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
