the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
