That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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