Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
