You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
